How to Review Something you Hate but Know is Good

A practical guide to writing better reviews for products that very clearly weren't designed with you in mind.

The job of a product reviewer is a heavy one. You and you alone stand valiant, defending the virtual wallets of your dedicated readership against hype and hyperbole, shielding their budgets against a fusillade of razor-sharp marketing copy and slick, seductive Instagram ads.

I've been reviewing products since the late '90s, everything from cars to videogames and even a hatchet once, and I'll be honest with you: I love it. I really, genuinely enjoy getting to know some new product, putting it through its proverbial paces to see whether that MSRP is merited.

The great products are easy to review. The genuinely awful ones are even easier. With these you know exactly where to start, precisely when to end, and all the points in between just sort of flow. The middling products can be a real challenge to turn into compelling copy, but there's another category that's even harder.

The most difficult thing to review is the product that you know will be loved by some but, for whatever reason, is hated by you.

“Young and eager to please in an industry full of people young and eager to please, I took on any assignment I could.”

I ran face-first into this early when whetting my teeth as a video game reviewer. Young and eager to please in an industry full of people young and eager to please, I took on any assignment I could. That included covering a series of esoteric strategy games that had already been running for decades by the time I got my first assignment. Still today, that same franchise is iterating on an almost annual basis, and as far as I can tell not much has changed since I last played one some 15 years ago.

It’s a series called Romance of the Three Kingdoms, an empire-building video game franchise of a sort based on the Chinese epic novel of the same name. When I reviewed them, the games consisted largely of surfing through endless menus, sending envoys or spies off to rival factions within feudal China, building relations for eventual partnerships or information for eventual invasion. Your goal: unification through cunning and conflict.

There was of course resource gathering and military strategizing, but those elements, key aspects in addictive strategy franchises like Civilization, are pushed to the background. ROTK is, more than anything, a diplomacy sim.

I hated it. Don't get me wrong, I adore strategy games. X-COM is my favorite series of all time, but I just couldn't get my heart into the whole ROTK ethos. So, did I pan every iteration that crossed my Playstation? No way! This franchise has been running since 1985 for a reason: it knows what its fans want and, much like DMX did, it gives it to 'em.

“I was uniquely poised to review the inevitable next release. As a freelancer, that meant more work, which is of course the name of the game.”

By and large I wrote glowing reviews of every ROTK I evaluated, calling out the notable improvements in each iteration and praising the impressive depth and breadth that, year after year, just grew deeper and broader. I became an expert in the series and, because of that, I was uniquely poised to review the inevitable next release. As a freelancer, that meant more work, which is of course the name of the game.

Today I mostly focus on cars, but I'm still faced with products that really do nothing for me yet still deserve praise. Most recently it was the Harley-Davidson Low Rider ST. I don't like Harleys, I don't like the sound they make, and I couldn't fathom spending upwards of $25,000 on one. Yet I gave that bike a glowing review. For what it is, it's really good.

You know the phrase "It's a Jeep Thing, you wouldn't understand?" You have to make yourself understand. You need to identify that appeal before you can do a genuinely good review of a Jeep because I can guarantee you that your reader gets it.

How? Here are a few key steps to get you started.

1 - Know Your Target Audience

You simply can't write a good review without knowing who a given product is intended for. If you're complaining that you can't easily mount a child seat in a Corvette, or that there's a little too much shooting in the latest Halo, it's time to hang up your keyboard.

That's table-stakes for any review, but identifying that audience and their needs gets orders of magnitude harder if that audience is miles away from your own demo. The best way to overcome this? Infiltrate their numbers.

Like me sending a spy into Cao Cao's HQ in ROTK, take the time to find the forums, Facebook groups, and subreddits where the product's target audience hangs out. Identify the common threads of conversation and, when possible, read their response to reviews posted by others. Learn from other reviewers' mistakes and ensure you don't make the same.

“Learn from other reviewers' mistakes and ensure you don't make the same.”

If this is a product that gets iterated frequently, like an annually updated smartphone or a car with previous model years, consume as much of that group's discussion around those earlier iterations. Was the screen too dim? Engine too weak? Controls too clumsy? Make sure you know everything they loved and, more importantly, everything they hated about those previous versions of the product.

2 - Look for the Key Points

If you do your homework in the first point, you should have a feel for how that target audience's sentiment has evolved over time with subsequent iterations of the product in question. It's now your job to connect the dots and draw parallels to the new generation.

Take your list of key conversation points from earlier designs and use that as the template for your testing routine. Those topics that inspired the fiercest debate now deserve the most attention as you evaluate the product.

Can you finally watch a movie in bright sunlight? Can you now safely pass cars on a two-lane road? Does the jump button actually, you know, make your character jump in a reasonable amount of time? Focus on these things and you'll quickly find yourself figuring out whether this new thing is actually a step in the right direction over the old thing.

3 - Factor Heart vs. Mind

Put simply: is this a product people are buying with their heads or their hearts? What's more important: the product’s abilities or the feelings it inspires? Reviewing an Aston Martin is a wildly different prospect than reviewing a Ford. Make sure you're bringing the right emotional angle to your copy.

4 - Roleplay Your Review

When it comes time to actually write the review, find a use case and lean into it. Again, this is important in any review, but you may have to get creative if it's a product you'd never in a million years use, or drive, or play. Get your head in the game. Imagine what your reader is going to do with this product, find as specific a case as you can, and use that as a hook to hang the thread of your review's thesis.

Then, get your head in the right place and get to weaving. How? Break your routine. If it's a cultural divide you're trying to breach, maybe try listening to some different music while you write. If you have a laptop, get up and write from somewhere else. Are you a laid-back gamer reviewing an intense action game? Sit up and get into it, or even stand up and try shouting at the TV every time you get fragged.

Put yourself in your reader's shoes and, if you find yourself losing that thread, go back and re-read the postings on other reviews. This is one time when you absolutely should read the comments. (They tend to sting a little less when they're directed at someone else, anyway.)

Make Your Case

Every good review needs a thesis and, if you do your job, by the end of that review you've proven that thesis. But, remember that this isn't science. If you successfully prove the wrong thesis you’ve wasted your time and theirs.

Do it right, though, and you’ve not only provided a valuable service, but you might just have expanded your horizons along the way. That Harley I thought I’d hate? I confess, I kinda want one now.